Life's Valleys

By Ferree Hardy

On some days, widowhood feels like being lost in the wilderness.

I almost got lost once. It was the year we homeschooled, and I took my three children on a field trip to Mohican State Park near Loudonville, Ohio. I love the hills there. It was autumn and a good time to identify leaves, nuts, mushrooms, and any animals we might spot.

Have you ever taken a path in the forest and then found out it led to nowhere? That’s what happened to me and the kids. The “path” we followed took us up one hill and down another. Then, when we turned around to go back, it wasn’t a path at all. We’d just followed openings from one tree to another. Looking back at my surroundings, I saw similar pathways between all the trees! And all the trees looked alike: brown trunks with sparse brittle leaves clinging to scrawny branches like broken fingernails. Mounds of gold and red leaves had quickly resettled over our footprints. The hills looked the same, the gullies were identical. It was a place so confusing that if you turned at all, you didn’t know which direction you’d come from.

I tried not to panic, but my heart began to pound. We were in over a thousand acres of a state park, inside thousands of more acres of a state forest! We could be lost for days! What kind of mother was I?

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WIDOWHOOD WAS A LAND OF NO BOUNDARIES, NO FENCE LINES, AND NO WAY TO WALK BACK TO WHERE I USED TO BE.

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Confusion and fear encircled me like a flurry of milkweed seeds and cobwebs, snagging my soul. I couldn’t brush them away fast enough. I had no compass or map to help me, and dull gray clouds blocked all sight of the sun’s direction. My good intentions spilled and ran out like marbles dropped on a hard stairway. Fight, flight, freeze—the three choices of an adrenaline rush—tightened my throat. Thoughts of “What am I going to do? What am I goingtodo? WhatamIgoingtodo?” blurred through my brain.

About ten years later, when I suddenly became a widow, those feelings hit me all over again, except much, much worse. Widowhood was a land of no boundaries, no fence lines, and no way to walk back to where I used to be. The only way out was through. When I was lost in the woods, I wished I’d had a GPS, and I wished there was a GPS for widowhood too.

You may have heard of GPS — Global Positioning Service. NASA’s definition is that “GPS is a system of more than 30 navigation satellites circling Earth. We know where they are because they constantly send out signals. A GPS receiver in your phone listens for these signals. Once the receiver calculates its distance from four or more GPS satellites, it can figure out where you are.” With GPS on your phone, you can see your location on a map and can find directions to other places.

I’m thankful I found my way out of Mohican soon after I felt so lost. And I’m thankful that since widowhood, many widowed people have traveled the path with me. They agree that it’s very much like being lost in the wilderness at times; they agree that the only way out is through. But the one comment I hear most of all, rising up from hard-earned wisdom, is this: “Where would I be without the Lord?”

We don’t have a GPS for widowhood. God’s given us something so much better. He’s given us Himself.

If you have Jesus as your Savior, you have strength for the journey.

If you have the Holy Spirit alongside, you have comfort for your weary soul.

If you have God’s Word, you have God’s “GPS;” it’s so much better than man’s. While regular GPS is dependent on the strength and availability of cell phone signals, God’s navigation system never fails. He knows where we are! He guides us through life’s trials and tribulations.

You might not understand the road you’re on. That’s OK. God understands it.

You might not be able to see where you’ll end up. That’s OK. God sees.

You might be very afraid of the twists and turns in the road ahead. That’s OK. God is faithful, merciful, loving, and more powerful than anything hiding behind those twists and turns.

Don’t be afraid to start the journey. Get in your proverbial car (or your buggy) and get started. Here are some tips from other widowed travelers:

Bring some good friends along with you, but only the good ones. If some friends turn out to be negative and toxic along the way, drop them off as soon as possible. They do not want to go the same direction.

If you get too tired to drive, if you feel you can’t take another step, let someone else help you for a bit.

If you think you are going backwards, let me assure you that you are not. You are just on a highway cloverleaf, an intersection where you have to circle back in order to set a new direction. “New direction” is a good way to re-frame and look at our loss.

Check your Bible every day, sometimes every minute! It’s like a roadmap for your life. I guarantee you’ll get lost without it. I guarantee that with it, you’ll not only survive, but someday you’ll thrive.

Set your “compass” for these two points: Trust God and Obey God. They are the best directions you’ll ever receive.

Listen to good Christian music that feeds your soul and uplifts your heart.

And if you burst into tears sometimes, that’s OK too. We all do. I dare to say we all should! Just pull off the road and let them flow. The widow's path requires plenty of rest stops and buckets of tears for some folks.

There will come a day when you find contentment in the Lord. The two little words “trust” and “obey” will eventually bring you deep joy.

So keep your eyes on the amazing path ahead, dear widows, widowers, and all who are grieving. Yes, it is full of dark, painful valleys, but it is also full of clear and breath-taking beauty. Deep joy we cannot even imagine, awaits us.

With Jesus as your Savior, the Holy Spirit as your Comfort, and God’s Word as your roadmap, you will have a perfect navigation system through the wilderness of widowhood—this valley of the shadow of death. //

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Ferree Hardy has helped thousands of widows through her book, “Postcards from the Widows’ Path,” small groups, speaking, and personal coaching, but touching one life at a time is what matters most to her. She holds a BA from Moody Bible Institute, and was a pastor’s wife in Ohio for over twenty years before her first husband died. She’s happily remarried now, and her readers know that moving seems to have become a hobby for her. But she also enjoys backyard chickens, aims to read fifty books a year, and loves to bake. Learn more by visiting her blog.