Kingdom Equity
By Ferree Hardy
One of the saddest things about widowhood is when widows (or widowers) assume that their life is finished and that they will never be happy again. But is this true? Are these dear people doomed to an empty future?
Three of my widow friends wondered this also. At first, not one of them could have imagined the new life ahead of her. But God enabled these three not only to live again, but to help tens, hundreds, and thousands of other widows find life after loss too.
What made the change? It had to do with using their “Kingdom Equity.” Have you heard of it? It reminds me of this verse:
“As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace.” 1 Peter 4:10.
How can one person help so many others? Let’s see how Kingdom Equity was the catalyst God used. Maybe you and I have some Kingdom Equity too!
Miriam Neff–Widow Connection
Miriam Neff, founder of Widow Connection, thought her life had ended at age 60 when her husband, Bob, went to heaven in 2006. Miriam had cared for him in their home for three years while he battled Lou Gehrig’s disease (ALS). The final four months were especially intense as his care required the attention of three people full-time, but she would gladly do it all over again.
In the days after the funeral, she felt desperate for God in a way she’d never experienced before. As she sought God, she learned three things over time: 1. We cannot compare ourselves to others; what God has given us is what we use. 2. God will surprise us; He’ll send us to places no one else has been. 3. We need to take action whether we feel ready or not; God will correct, motivate, uplift, and send the people we need to encourage us.
Those three principles comforted her; they also guided her to take a mission trip to Africa. There, she heard the concept of Kingdom Equity in a unique encounter with a stranger. In her book, Where Do I Go From Here? Bold Living After Unwanted Change, Miriam described the time in Malawi when a stranger came up to her after a presentation she’d made. “Miriam Neff,” he declared, “you are rich in Kingdom Equity.”
Miriam was curious, and in a quiet corner he explained: “…Kingdom Equity is God’s investment in you. Whether positive or negative, events gift you with wisdom, experience, information, and faith. Everything in your life is a part of God building equity (valuable investment) into your life…”
And then, much to her surprise, the man began to list things from Miriam’s background that he saw as God’s gifts to her.
Miriam wrote, “I rapidly took notes, recognizing that I wanted to add to his list. This new perspective cast a different and valuable light on seemingly ordinary qualities and experiences, and even hardships…”
“Kingdom Equity was a precious concept that pieced together what I had often seen as random events in my past. But they were not random. God was investing in me intentionally. He was building Kingdom Equity…”
She reflected on the shift in perspective she had in Malawi. “Under my mosquito net that night with a feeble bedside lamp… I scribbled as long as my tired body would allow. I looked again at my scribbled notes from our conversation. My final entry quoting his words read: ‘You’ve got it, Miriam. Now spend it.’”
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“KINGDOM EQUITY IS GOD’S INVESTMENT IN YOU. WHETHER POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE, EVENTS GIFT YOU WITH WISDOM, EXPERIENCE, INFORMATION, AND FAITH.”
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Miriam marveled at her Kingdom Equity: the sewing and farm skills she learned while growing up in rural Indiana, parenting four children (two of them adopted), having three adopted African-American grandchildren, her adventurous “Let’s get at it” spirit, and even her widowhood. As she wrote these things down, she realized that the things the world valued, like her college degrees, her career as a high school counselor, and her husband’s executive position with Moody Radio Network, were not what the widows in Malawi needed. They needed money so they wouldn’t starve. This was her chance to use her Kingdom Equity to help these widows. So Miriam taught them how to sew and earn income with the type of non-electric, treadle sewing machines she had first learned on. They needed the hope of knowing Jesus loved them, so she taught them how to know Him as she had desperately learned.
Today, in addition to taking as many foreign mission trips as possible to help more widows learn to sew, Miriam helps widows through her website, speaking engagements, and on her “New Beginnings” radio spot, which is featured five days a week on 1,200 outlets. She’s also written several books that apply to widowhood.
Miriam’s latest adventure has been to pioneer a financial ministry for women. She and her daughter, Valerie Neff Hogan, recently wrote Wise Women Managing Money; Expert Advice on Debt, Wealth, Budgeting & More. The proceeds from it will increase women’s financial literacy and reach out to even more widows.
~~~
Miriam's books may be purchased online or ordered through local bookstores. The following pertain to widows:
Wise Women Managing Money (Moody Publishers, 2022)
Not Alone (Regnery Publishing, 2017)
Where Do I Go From Here? Bold Living After Unwanted Change (Moody Publishers, 2012)
From One Widow to Another: Conversations on the New You (Moody Publishers, 2009)
Widow Connection, Inc.
a| PO Box 242, Lake Zurich ,IL 60047 w| widowconnection.com
~~~
Gale Roper–Widow's Journey Retreat
Every eye was on Gayle Roper as she spoke from her heart to over one hundred other widows. Married 47 years, her husband, Chuck, passed away on July 2, 2010, after almost three-and-a-half years of fighting a rare cancer.
“Life goes on, whether we do or not,” she gently, but matter-of-factly, stated at the Widows Journey Retreat in March 2022. Gayle has hosted these weekend retreats since 2015 at Sandy Cove Ministries in North East, Maryland. At this final session, she swept her arms forward to show how our timeline moves forward even though our spouse is gone. “We can keep looking behind us, focusing on the day our husband died,” Gayle stated as she walked backwards, getting closer and closer to toppling over the edge of the platform. Then she spun around to walk forward, adding, “Or we can walk forward toward the end of our timeline where he awaits.” She created a perfect illustration of a widow’s letting-go dilemma. When we don't let go, when we focus intently on our loss, it’s like we look backwards and can’t see what’s ahead.
Sandy Cove Ministries is located on the Chesapeake Bay between Philadelphia and Baltimore. The retreat draws widows from all over the USA. In talking with Gayle about it, we discovered her gifts of Kingdom Equity stemmed from writing.
Writing came as a surprise to Gayle. In college, she met her husband, Chuck Roper, and they married in 1963. She taught school before they adopted their two sons. But after the boys came along, she stayed home with them and took to writing novels. What started as a hobby blossomed to over sixty books in her name, several prestigious awards, and speaking at writer’s and women’s conferences for the past fifty years.
Gayle’s books are some of my favorites. I'm charmed by her humor, quick wit, and colorful settings like the Jersey shore or Lancaster County; her romances and clever mysteries always provide satisfying, surprising endings.
Yet there’s one book that touched thousands of widows, and it was the hardest one to write — A Widow’s Journey: Reflections on Walking Alone. For two years, she journaled short pieces about her feelings as a widow. They weren’t always pretty, but they were always honest.
“For years, I was defined by a four-letter word— 'wife.' I was part of an indivisible pair. Chuck and Gayle. Gayle and Chuck.
Now there’s only Gayle, and I’m not certain who she is supposed to be.”
Widows understand. “She validated everything I felt, and that was so healing,” one widow told me. Gayle gave words to the overwhelming emotions of widowhood and paired each page with Bible verses that affirm and impart hope. A Widow’s Journey is a wonderful book to give to a widow.
For Gayle, Kingdom Equity played out in a three-stage sequence: her journal writings became A Widow’s Journey book, and the book led to Widows Journey retreats. It also showed up in God’s order to her life:
God gifted her to touch hearts with her writing.
God gifted her to organize large events. Having been involved with writer’s conferences most of her life, including directing one
at Sandy Cove, she asked this: “Why not
a conference for widows? We need each
other!” When she approached the Sandy Cove directors about hosting a retreat for widows,
it was at the same time they were wondering how they could serve widows! Her history with them was a perfect match.God gifted her with a vast network of writers and speakers she’d met over the years. Inevitably some had become widows. Being able to draw from this well of friends enriches the widow’s retreat for everyone.
God also gifted her with her two adopted sons, her experience as a school teacher, some training in Biblical counseling, and now—even widowhood. She puts these Kingdom Equity shares to use at every Widows Journey Retreat and every time she writes or speaks. Save the date, March 3-5, 2023.
Gayle Roper’s books may be purchased online or ordered through local bookstores. The following pertains to widows:
A Widow's Journey: Reflections on Walking Alone
Gayle also writes exclusive books for Annie’s Fiction (subscription book service): anniesfiction.com
Widow's Journey Retreat
March 3-5, 2023
p | 800-234-2683 -or- 410-287-5433 w| sandycove.org
Gayle Roper
e | gayle@gayleroper.com w| gayleroper.com
~~~
Lori Bohning–Beauty From Ashes
But what if you’re not an award-winning writer? What if you’ve never organized a weekend retreat? What if you’re not able to travel to help widows in other countries, or speak on the radio, or give advice about finances? What if you can hardly deal with yourself?
“If the dictionary used pictures as definitions, my face would be next to the word “BROKEN,” said Lori Bohning of New Braunfels, Texas.
In 2011 her husband, Rob, was diagnosed with medullary thyroid cancer. Married seven years at the time, they were living in California, and Rob was given three months to live. He survived for three years instead.
During Rob’s battle with cancer, they moved to Texas to be closer to better treatments. “We needed to move even though neither we nor our finances were ready.” But God helped – their house in California sold as soon as they listed it. Then, upon hearing about their need, complete strangers who are now dear friends offered them a house to rent in New Braunfels.
One year after the move, Rob died. Their two adopted children, Andrew and Olivia, were ages nine and six.
“I didn’t know how to do all this. And after Rob died, I was on the other side of my worst fear because he died even though I really believed God would heal him.”
Seeking help, Lori drove over an hour away to a widows group in San Antonio. “They were speaking my language.” She saw that she could learn from each lady in the group, especially those who’d been on the journey longer than she.
Over the next two years, something stirred deep in her heart. “I hope that the Lord can use me. I want to start something like this in New Braunfels.” A hymn from her childhood often played in her thoughts, “Here I Am.” It was her prayer to God, asking Him to use her.
She knew she couldn’t do it by herself, though. So she bravely phoned Stand In the Gap, a ministry for orphans, widows, and prisoners in Oklahoma. When Lori asked how she could start a widows group in her town, “Coffee * Cake * Conversation” was what she was told. They suggested she make fliers to post around town announcing a get-together for widows with the day, place, and time for “Coffee * Cake * Conversation.” They also told her that the crucial point of the meeting would be to ask the women, “What do you need in a widows group?”
At the first meeting, each woman told her the same thing: “We need connection with other widows.” Thus started the first “Beauty from Ashes” widows group. They’ve been meeting monthly ever since. When a hospice grief therapist once visited, she told Lori, “I’ve never been in a group like that, with women who have so much faith and hope.”
Such encouragement fuels Lori to branch out in other ways. As a Life Forming Growth Coach, she helps people meet their goals and overcome various challenges. She’s written a curriculum to make it easier for widows to start their own “Beauty from Ashes” groups. Through her website, she leads online “Hope for Widows” groups. The New Braunfels widows stay connected outside of their meetings by group texts on their cellphones. They check on each other, ask for prayer, and plan informal get-togethers and lunches.
Do you see that Lori, too, is rich in shares of Kingdom Equity? Her most loved gifts from God are her two adopted children. She remembers that even as a child she had a tender heart for the lonely, for the outsiders, and that too, is her gift.
Widowhood also forms a gift. On her website, she wrote, “When you go through the battlefield, you understand and see life differently. I learned
that God never left us; He never left me. I learned that the most beautiful things come out of a storm, and the most power comes from the middle of a storm. It’s absolutely sacred. God used my darkest moments to bring me into something I would have never dreamed of. He taught me that joy isn’t the absence of suffering but the presence of God. He taught me to not be afraid to pray, ‘Thy will be done,’ because it’s the safest place to be. I often asked, ‘Why me, God?’... Now...I ask, ‘Why not me?’ and embrace the gift and battlefield. I have learned that His power is exalted in my weakness.”
Beauty from Ashes
e | info@beautyfromashesministry.com w| beautyfromashesministry.com
Lori Bohning Coaching
e | loribohning@gmail.com w| loribohning.com
~~~
Miriam Neff, Gayle Roper, and Lori Bohning did not volunteer to help widows, but once they experienced widowhood themselves, they had to do something. How can only three widows help thousands of other widows? By using their Kingdom Equity. Life did not end the day their husbands died; instead, their new lives began.
What shares of Kingdom Equity do you hold? What gifts has God given you? Some of us have five or ten; others have two or three. Some might have only one. But it’s not what gifts we have, it’s what we do with them. May we all view our Kingdom Equity like Miriam did, writing in her journal in Africa, “You’ve got it...now use it!” //
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Ferree Hardy has helped thousands of widows through her book, “Postcards from the Widows’ Path,” small groups, speaking, and personal coaching, but touching one life at a time is what matters most to her. She holds a BA from Moody Bible Institute, and was a pastor’s wife in Ohio for over twenty years before her first husband died. She’s happily remarried now, and her readers know that moving seems to have become a hobby for her. But she also enjoys backyard chickens, aims to read fifty books a year, and loves to bake. Learn more by visiting her blog.